Nothing Bad is Ever Going to Happen

Can you be okay being okay?

Peak oil.

Remember that?

PEAK. OIL.

Petroleum comes from dead dinosaurs and there are only so many of those to go around. We can’t make more. Read my lips: “Finite. Supply.”

First trotted out as something to be afraid of in 1919 and then resurfacing periodically throughout the decades as the panic de jure, over a hundred years have passed with experts telling us that the time of gasoline is coming to an end. And yet… everyday… a billion vehicles cruise on down the road. A million planes take off each week. Massive ships crisscross entire oceans. Generators whir and trains traverse the continent. Drill baby drill.

Ain’t no peak oil.

That was a myth. Something conjured up for you to be afraid.

Hole in the O-zone.

Yeah?

Big, colossal hole in the Earth’s o-zone layer. Remember it? Let the bad radiation through. The sunlight that kills you and gives you cancer. BIG hole. It was growing. It was growing and it was your fault because you used hair spray. The birds especially couldn’t handle it. The rays. All the cosmic RAYS. Gulls couldn’t navigate. Flamingos were going extinct. An impending bird-based food chain skin cancer collapse all because of you and your stupid 90s hair.

Didn’t happen. Will never happen.

In the end, everything was pretty much okay.

And AIDS.

AIDS.

Who can forget AIDS?

Toilet seats. Blood transfusions. Needles from the homeless hidden in the cushions of a movie seat and maybe also water fountains. The year is 1982…